How the sexes battle to find the perfect gift for Valentine’s Day!

How the sexes battle to find the perfect gift for Valentine’s Day!

By Edward Chamberlain-Bell

Retailers love Valentine’s Day because nothing says I love you better than when you put your money where your mouth is. Unfortunately, while the best things in life are free, as the saying goes, Valentine’s Day isn’t one of them unless you write it on the front of your credit card.

Shopping for a gift ranks second only to a medical examination involving rubber gloves on the long list of things men would rather not do. Men just aren’t genetically equipped to spend hours shopping for a gift that doesn’t automatically come giftwrapped, while women could easily invest the same time just shopping for the wrapping paper.

Men also like gifts for different reasons to women. A man will appreciate any gift you give him if he can use it, like a toaster or a waffle iron, while women can only appreciate a gift after it has been approved by their friends. Nothing proves you love her better than making her friends so twisted with jealously that they could spit blood, preferably their husband’s blood, because you’ve upstaged their gifts by presenting her with a gift so thoughtful and tasteful that it couldn’t be dismissed as cheap or vulgar. No woman likes being considered cheap or vulgar; not even the ones that are.

The truth about Valentine’s Day is that your thoughts don’t count for much unless your gift conveys that you invested a considerable amount of time and money selecting them to fully expresses the length, breadth and depth of your feelings. It is almost a given that you will still get it wrong, so the least you can do is ensure it is tastefully wrapped and includes a card, inside which you’ve composed a sonnet rivaling Shakespeare. For added protection, include the receipt so that she can exchange it for something more meaningful.So what is the one gift that will raise her eyebrows and impress her friends? You couldn’t get more clichéd than chocolates or flowers, and perfume is fraught with more political nuances than a feminist rally. Panties would be nice, provided they’re not too practical, or impractical, because either way you’re sending her the wrong message about how you perceive her on the one night of the year when you want your romantic aspirations to follow through to their natural conclusion.

Few things say I love you and I’m prepared to put my money where my mouth better than something that lives and breathes; like a puppy, a bunny, a fish or a bird. The ideal Valentine’s gift for any woman is probably a thoroughbred racehorse; especially one that is fast and sleek and comes in her favorite color.

Even better than a real horse is a virtual race horse. She doesn’t have to clean it, walk it or worry about the dog catching it, the cat eating it or the children finding it floating upside down when someone forgets to feed it. Best of all, think of the mileage you will get when she tells anyone that she can find on speed dial that you just bought her a champion racehorse online and named it after her. Good men like you are hard to find — even if the first horse from is free!

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