The Brutal Truth About Valentine’s Day

Ah, Valentine’s Day- the day of overpriced roses, heart-shaped boxes of mediocre chocolates, and a whole lot of people pretending they’re madly in love when they’re really just mad. If you’re lucky enough to have someone special, I hope you’ve got something wonderful planned. If you don’t- well, there’s always self-love (in every sense of the word), or rounding up a few friends for a bit of camaraderie.

But what about the poor souls who never find love? The ones who spend their entire lives settling for second best? I’ve seen it happen. I’ve looked at friends and thought, You really are scraping the bottom of the barrel, aren’t you? But, to be fair, sometimes the barrel isn’t exactly overflowing with premium choices.

The Problem with Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day has become an overpriced circus. Flowers cost as much as a mortgage payment, and chocolates suddenly require a small loan. The gifts for women are always elegant- fragrances, jewellery, lingerie. Men? Cartoon socks. Crude underwear. Soap. On a rope. Romantic, isn’t it?

Maybe this is the year we change that. Spoil the men in your life. Get them something refined, something classy. Even if they’re not.

And if you’re single, don’t mope. Cook yourself a great meal, pour a glass of something strong, slap on a face mask, and enjoy your own company. Self-care is also sexy.

The Dating Scene Today: A Horror Story

Dating has changed dramatically, and not for the better. The biggest debate? Who pays. Some say it should be 50/50, others say the person who initiated the date should foot the bill. I, for one, believe that if you’re a gentleman, you pay. And if you’re a lady, you don’t order the most expensive item on the menu like you’ve just been released from a hostage situation.

But honestly, some people are just in it for the free meal. You can always tell- ordering starters, mains, cocktails, dessert, and a digestif when they usually survive on two-minute noodles at home. You’re not here for the date; you’re here for the fine dining experience. At least be subtle about it.

Enter the coffee date: a genius invention. Cheap, quick, and if you don’t like them, you can be out of there in 15 minutes flat. If it’s going well, you extend it into dinner. If it’s not, you down your coffee, say Well, that was an experience, and move on with your life.

But my biggest concern? The sheer recklessness of modern dating. People drive to strangers’ houses for first dates. Alone. Based on a few texts and some possibly fake photos. Have we learned nothing from Jeffrey Dahmer? Criminals live in nice areas too. That’s how they can afford to be criminals.

Love is complicated. Dating is a minefield. And Valentine’s Day? A commercial scam designed to make single people feel miserable and couples feel obligated. But at the end of the day, whether you’re in a relationship, single, or somewhere in between, the most important thing is to enjoy your own company.

And if you are spending Valentine’s Day alone, at least treat yourself well. Buy yourself flowers, eat something decadent, and most importantly- never settle for someone just because you’re lonely.

Life is too short for bad relationships. And bad chocolate.