Hey Santa! Get with the Christmas program!

Hey Santa! Get with the Christmas program!

By Edward Chamberlain-Bell

Dear Santa,

Christmas is just around the corner and after 364 days of me just giving, giving, giving it’s about time I got something too for a change. I don’t expect much but I do expect something decent.

On that note, I want something store bought, none of that homemade crap your glue-sniffing elves keep forcing on me. I really don’t care what you get me so long as it is expensive- and you leave the price tag on because I’m probably going to exchange it for something I really want or at least push for a cash refund.

I’m sincerely concerned about the impact all that superfluous packaging has on the environment so I expect cash instead of gift-wrapping. Oh yeah, and don’t bother about the card because I don’t really care who sent it just so long as I get it on time.

Anyhow, I don’t have time to get too specific coz I know you’ll stuff it up again like you’ve done every year since my childhood, and just to make it easy for you I’m not hanging up socks or cleaning up dead trees so you can just leave it all on my doorstep pleaese! (Not really sure how to spell that, Santa).

Thanks

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